I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
