id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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