Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
