Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
