I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
