she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
