i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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