I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
