just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
