I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
