Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
