At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
