Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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