Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
