I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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