made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
