My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
