So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
