Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
