well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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