everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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