He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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