I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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