i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
