i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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