I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
