I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
