party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
