Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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