**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
