somebody snuck up and got me drunk
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
