I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
