My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
