A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
