Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
