when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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