dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
