You're completely useless in the revolution.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
