Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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