Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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