I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My ass is underappreciated
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
