So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
