He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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