Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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