you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just cropdusted the office
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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