why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
