part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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