As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
