I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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