forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
